When we practice in times of stress, ungroundedness or dis-connect from ourselves, a structured practice such as the "Arriving" practice above, can help us re-connect with ourselves in a kind and friendly way. We can also develop resources and supports that can help us ground ourselves and stay present during stressful moments during our days, without leaving our present moment experiences. You are invited to practice many of these resources and supports as part of the "Arriving" meditation, and they are also referenced, below.
Traumatic stress is characterized by an over-active fight, flight or freeze stress reactivity following a traumatic, and often life-threatening event. The reactivity in the brain makes it difficult to sit in silence as during those times we often encounter our inner "Fight"--especially towards ourselves in the form of a self-judging or self-critical mind habit. During such times it can be useful to begin our meditation practice with a structured and guided practice such as the Arriving meditation, where we are invited to 1) approach each aspect of our present moment in a structure and guided way; 2)apply resources and supports to help us move in and out of the present moment at a rate we are controlling and that helps us stay grounded and present; and 3)preferencing those aspects of our present moment experience that are in relative ease. Practicing like this can help us to stay present, as well as aid us in developing a kind and friendly inner relationship to ourselves. It can be wise to end our practice period with a structured and guided practice such as the Lovingkindness meditation, which can aid us to bring ease to a stressed mind.
We can begin our meditation by a three part practice that is grounding, down-regulating to our nervous system and orients us to the here and now:
1) Noticing where we are and when it is and stating this to ourselves. This helps the brain know that we are here, now, instead of some other time or place the mind may be gravitating towards. It helps us to "note" our location and the date as well as looking around before we close our eyes or lower our gaze in meditation. This orients us to this moment.
2)Taking time to notice the touch points and physical support of the body. Noticing the support of the chair, cushion or floor can be helpful to us. Hold your attention steady as you stay with sensations of temperature and texture. Notice the physical support that is being offered by the structures under your body.
3)Taking some deep belly breaths and letting them out with an extended sigh can help to down-regulate our nervous system. If you have more time, walking, yoga, dance or "shaking out" can also be very helpful.
Practicing in times of traumatic stress or overwhelm requires us to use the "steering wheel" and "brakes" of our awareness as well as the "gas pedal". In general, our practice is to be with whatever is happening while it is happening, in a non-judgemental way--moving towards experience, ie. the gas pedal. However, sometimes judgements come and we aren't able to skillfully work with them, or our mind is racing towards distressing material. Whatever meditation we are doing, if we are becoming so distressed that we are losing our ability to be mindful--to be present--it can be helpful to steer our attention to another part of the present moment. There's no need to push anything away or deny anything, we are simply drawing our attention to something else that is also happening--using the steering wheel.
It can also be helpful to use the brakes and stop and pause--by opening eyes, stretching, taking deep breaths, or sitting or standing if we are laying down.
As we do the arriving practice and move through the different domains of the present moment, after we have noted, named and experienced our experience including the unpleasant, we can bring our attention to rest on what is most pleasant, comforting, alive or easeful in each domain. Often when we are stressed we attempt to fix ourselves by challenging ourselves with what is the most difficult--believing this might be the most helpful. What is actually most helpful is to allow ourselves to notice where the ease is--in our breath, in our body, in the emotions, in the mind, in this moment in its entirety--and let our attention rest there. In this way we can find the shelter in the present moment itself.
Finding the Homebase in our Bodies: Our minds are often drawn to what is most unpleasant in each aspect of the present moment. After we notice, acknowledge and breath with some part of the body that is tight, tense or in discomfort, we can also notice another part of the body that contains more ease than that part--perhaps even noticing a part of the body that is most pleasant or most comfortable right now. We can hold our attention there and use it as a home-base, returning to it at times we might need to re-group and withdraw our attention from another aspect of the body or from a traumatic memory. We can notice how the sensations in this part of the body shift and change moment to moment, noticing aliveness, vitality in the body. Alternatively, you may find the most ease and comfort in listening to sounds, and that is an option as well.
When the brain is stressed, it often gets stuck in some variation of "judging" or "critical" mind. When we are meditating, these judgements and criticisms are often self-directed and lead us to feel badly about ourselves, not good enough or unworthy. Often these thoughts come in the form of "shoulds" or "shouldnts". These thoughts are often the first arrow leading to suffering.
When we believe these thoughts instead of seeing them as an automatic mind habit fueled by stress hormones, they can wound us. This is the stress added on by our mind. Sometimes once we believe these thoughts, we consciously join with them and then they can keep the stress going, leading in the direction of despair. The way out of this downward cycle is to name "self-judging", stop and pause, and offer ourselves some self-soothing in the form of soothing touch (a hand or two over our own heart or holding our own hand in our lap as two examples), or we can offer ourselves some kind and friendly words. Over time, and by offering ourselves this soothing each time we catch ourselves caught believing the self-judging habit, this generally leads to a sense of inner shelter. We are consciously creating the kind of friendly and caring relationship that we'd like to have with ourselves and each time we do this we create more and more of an inner quality of kindness.
When we have practiced in this way and we are still having trouble staying grounded, present or out of the "distress zone"--where we have lost our mindfulness--it can be wise to reach out to a teacher, therapist or other trusted helper for additional guidance.
Those with traumatic stress have found the "Arriving" practice to be a structured way to re-connect with themselves in a kind and friendly way, often after decades of feeling disconnected and as if they had lost themselves. It can also help us to stay close to ourselves when we are grieving or adapting to a medical diagnosis or some other life change.
You may wish to end with a lovingkindness meditation. Please remember that this practice is an offering, and there is not any requirement these phrases land in any particular way, or even be received.
"May love and kindness travel with me/you/we today, and be with me/you/us always.
May I/you/we be safe and protected from inner and outer harm.
May I/you/we be happy and contented.
May I/you/we be healthy and strong.
May I/you/we be at ease".
(c) Trish Magyari, 10/09/18
trish@trishmagyari.com
